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October 19, 2008

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Count me in, sweetheart!

hot dammity damn!

[she] rises with her [raven] hair...

welcome back state-here-side, jillie.
the lone star missed you bucketfulls

Bienvenue aux etats-unis ou liberation rules, mein liebchen.
So generous of you to offer line edits. Here's one that's been bugging me. It comes at the end of the eighth stanza of a nine-stanza poem, and it arrives as a rhetorical climax:
"We must love one another or die."
It sounds good, I know, but it's untrue -- we're going to die no matter what -- and I have this old-fashioned notion that poetry and truth should go together like wahrheit und dichtung or conjugal love and Alberto Moravia.
What should I do? Junk the stanza? Junk the poem? Can you think of a way to save the line? Like maybe changing "or" to "and"?
For your muse-inspired vice and advice I thank you in advance of the guard.
Ton ami
PS How about "the conscious acceptance of guilt in the necessary murder"? That's another line I'm not quite satisfied with.

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I left it
on when I
left the house
for the pleasure
of coming back
ten hours later
to the greatness
of Teddy Wilson
"After You've Gone"
on the piano
in the corner
of the bedroom
as I enter
in the dark
                   

from New and Selected Poems by David Lehman


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Ringfinger was nervous
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to the rule of Thumb.

 

 


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