Holzer Ontario Projection [by John Emil Vincent]

Loss has verbs in its pockets.

X was 

and now isn’t.

Y notices 

that X was and now isn’t.

X was here, now X is gone.

Loss is sly ownership.

Absence rings, tapped crystal.

Loss sings the rim.

X lost Y, X feels lost.

Loss has no appetite.

Comments

[Susan M. Schultz]

I love "it is sly ownership," to say nothing of "has verbs in its pocket" (one can well imagine which!) but am less sure about the last line, John.

[John Emil Vincent]

I am also not sure about it. I've fumbled around with it I think mostly cuz it has some sort of ending weight, but I don't think that is necessary. Will play with it more, thanks much for your comments.

[Stacey]

I actually like the last line. When the loss is gone, what is there? I can see removing the "only" though.

[John Emil Vincent]

I hope this keeps some of the last line's closural heft and gets rid of its over-enunciation and -reaching.

Thank you Susan and Stacey for superb guidance. Dunno I've ever had such smart and quick help on a piece!

[John Emil Vincent]

Some line breaks seem necessary, but at the moment, I'm just glad, Susan, you've lead me to a final line I like.

[Susan M. Schultz]

Loss lost its appetite? Getting closer, I think.

[jennifer doyle]

loss has no appetite is perfect for this reader.

just read this poem out loud to a student in office hours - without having read it at all. moved us both deeply, caught us both by surprise - rare moment of intimacy in the office, like being licked by a cat...

[John Emil Vincent]

Jennifer,

you make it all worth it.

john

[John Emil Vincent]

Stacey,

thanks for help with the "only," it was key to really revising the thing.

merci
john

[Susan M. Schultz]

Yes, your version is best!

[Stacey]

Glad to help John. I like the revisions. I'm curious about the title of this post though. Is the poem going to be part of a Jennie Holzer installation? If yes, when?

[John Emil Vincent]

Hi there,

no, but if I wish hard enough.. the title was meant to suggest the poem's owed debt to a timing and kind of statement Holzer is so great with. To acknowledge the debt, but now that I think about it, it may be far too misleading to be useful as a title.