InCreduLit.com, a scholarly service I use frequently when teaching literature, has expanded its focus to include cable television (more on that later) and a 24/7 news bureau, through which it monitors other news-invention services such as itself. This item is just in--hot off the press, as it were; I send it along in the interests of full disclosure.
"The New York Fabricator, an imaginary tabloid that invents news it thinks people want to hear, has reported today that the State Department is about to deploy a new weapon in the war on terror: Mary Qaeda Counterterrorist Ensemble and Cosmetics, Inc. Soon a fleet of pink Cadillacs will descend on the Middle East as "Mary Qay" representatives target Muslim women with a unique product line that includes eyeliners, mascara, forehead exfoliators, and lively new burqa styles. Under its new Secretary, former senator Hillary Clinton, the Department seeks to implement its controversial "Lysistrata" policy, which encourages Muslim women to withhold sex from their terrorist husbands in an attempt to shorten jihad. By making the top halves of Muslim women's faces 'irresistible,' Mary Qay reps hope to entice Muslim men to 'lay their guns and their women down at the same time'--winning the coveted pink Cadillacs for the reps in the process. Republicans were quick to attack the new policy. Former Representative Tom DeLay, in an interview on Fox News, expressed contempt for the plan. 'Give me a break,' he sneered. 'A Cadillac's a powerful lot of car for a woman ...' And former Vice President Dick Cheney bitterly called the program a 'pathetic half-measure,' compared to the one he tried to implement in 2004, which involved turning the Mary Qay Cadillacs into powerful car bombs; this initiative was narrowly defeated after Democrats and others pointed out that the main victims of the blasts would be women and children. In a related pilot program, 'Mary Qay Without Borders,' Mary Qay doctors will offer prosthetic limbs to replace those lost after amputations due to adultery, while Mary Qay plastic surgeons will treat survivors of 'honor killing' attacks whose faces have been disfigured by acid."