Last week I noticed the post on this site announcing a poetry contest on the occasion of LeBron James' joining the Miami Heat basketball team.
For some reason this put me in mind of the Iliad, which I first read around 1950 as "The Golden Book of the Iliad" -- a masterful rendition by the way, which I later learned was also an early inspiration to Joseph (Joe) Heller.
Nestor, the grandfatherly blabbermouth, has always been my favorite Homeric character and I have even written a poem in which Nestor acquires three Viagra tablets from Athena and thereby manages to change the course of the Trojan War.
But that's another story. Regarding the LeBraon James contest, I tried to imagine how Nestor would respond. Surely for instance he would immediately disqualify himself by exceeding the six line length limit. And in comparing LeBron James to basketball players of the past, he would be in his habitual mode of "there simply are no men like that now," as W.H.D. Rouse expresses it in his very useful and forceful prose translation. I believe Nestor would also include at least one line in a foreign language in order to showcase his mastery of many tongues.
The Iliad
He is almost a foot
Taller than Calvin Murphy
Was but can he dribble
Two basketballs the length
Of the court and then
Dunk them both?
Yo pienso que no.
Remember how Bill Russell
Shot underhand free throws?
His percentage stank like poo-poo
But when money was on the table
He was strong black coffee
From the line and this too was
Unlike LeBron.
Pro teams used to practice in
The gym where I taught high school.
Chamberlain, Chet Walker, Jerry West,
I saw them all up close and in truth
The only one who acted like a human
Being was Tom Boerwinkle so let's have
A poem contest for the man from Tennessee!