Dating Will Be Difficult When Everyone Is Dead [ by Chelsea Reilly]

Imagine your surprise when she tells you the rats got into the baby carriage again. There is a reason for everything, which I will explain much later. You have an important decision to make. It is not my business, but she has the sex appeal of an owl. I will make you so happy your face will be unrecognizable. I will make sure you never feel hunted again. We have things in common. For example, we are always waiting for lunch to happen. You have never startled anyone.  I know the difference between an emergency and a blinding pain in the chest. There are many people I regret marrying. I never planned on sleeping alone. 

-- Chelsea Reilly