Hillary Jones declared her intention to register as a Republican today. "She did it at breakfast, " said her sister Paula. "It was like awesome. She announced that she was just plain fed up with being an Independent because, like, even though she is an independent-minded individual, this status prevents her from voting in the primaries of either party except in certain crossover states like, I think, Texas." Paula Jones (not to be confused with the woman of the same name who hurled allegedly baseless accusations of sexual misconduct at Bill Clinton when he ran for president in 1992) said she tried to discourage her sister. "Now that all the midterms are over, is this really the time for a change?"
-- Giacomo Joyce