The cheapest motel in Barstow,
There I received my education,
Groaning air conditioner
No match for faked orgasms
Unavoidable through walls
Nor could even the TV set prevail
Over whores’ continual bogus
Jollifications day and night.
So never fake an orgasm, girls,
That was the lesson I took away.
Do I look older than twenty-four?
It's because my soul is old.
What I've learned from fucking
Needs more than one lifetime
But I hate any God bullshit,
I hate any whore with the heart
Of gold bullshit, I love how laptops
And cell phones have made pimps
Obsolete, I like the word cunt better
Than pussy and I love the word slut.
Giving pleasure to women is what
Men want but most don't know
They want it, the dumb fucks,
How lame is that? Dorks! Hello?
Well, here is the key to the mint:
Class with a touch of wicked sleaze.
A hundred and nine men I've fucked
This year and the biggest prick was
Ten inches long, seven around,
And the smallest was zero point five.