Hard Times , part four (by Mitch Sisskind)

I'm starting a cemetery in my back yard! Progress is being made. "A journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step."

Comments

[Laura Orem]

That outfit is da bomb, Mitch. Especially that tie with the lavender shirt. You will sell plots and plots!

Great slogan, too. You could make bumper stickers and put them on your hearses. Oh, wait - did you think of hearses? If it's too expensive to buy one, you are welcome to use our farm truck - a big diesel Chevy suburban. You could fit a coffin in it if you put the tailgate down, and I'd be sure to clean all the hay and straw out of it before you needed it.

[Stacey]

Genius! I'm impressed that you've taken this to the next level. And I'm pleased that you seem to be pulling yourself together and that you're looking sharp again. You know what they say: "Act as if . . ." Even if you are, as you say, still stressed out, you really do look like you know what you're getting into here. I'm looking forward to the next update.

[Melanie Burns]

You are so funny. I love it. Know what you are getting into -- that is brilliant. Thanks for making me laugh.

Melanie

[Laura Orem]

Hey Mitch - I just had another brainstorm. Remember I said you could hire all your poet friends to write elegies for your customers? How about this: "Plots with Plots." With every plot purchase, the customer can opt for a suitably embellished biography in a nice folder - the more elaborate, the more expensive. The family could use it for the obituary in the paper if they liked. You could subcontract out to your fiction friends.

It could be an ascending ladder of services/costs. You will have to decide whether elegies or biographies cost more. Also - don't forget to add a substantial fee for your services, regardless of whether they get an elegy or biography. Every funeral director does - and the cemetery charges a fee to open the grave, on top of the actual cost of the plot. Don't cheat yourself.

You will need a Bobcat to dig the graves, but you can rent one at Home Depot. Plus, it's a tax deduction.