Limericks [by Victoria C. Rowan]

It being St. Patrick's Day and since I'm of Irish descent, it feels right to do the obvious, and have a post that honors the limerick.

The most fluent limericker I know is Naomi Pitcairn, a prolific artist/photographer friend of mine. Naomi describes herself and her boyfriend as "two hardened cynics," and emailing topical limericks back and forth was much more their courtship style than any gushy billets doux. Years later, it's still a daily battle of the wits as they zip "what's the craic?" zingers into each other's email boxes. Here's a sampling of today's batches and a few others:

[ST. PATRICK'S DAY]
When it's "Ireland Forever" we cheer
it is nice to imbibe some good beer
we feel warmish and chatty
quite fond of old St Patty
though what happens next is unclear

Since when folks dress up like a shamrock
and it gets 'round eleven o'clock
sometimes erin go braugh
runs afoul of the law
I've not seen it but I have heard talk

[ON YESTERDAY'S TOP MODEL AUDITION TRAMPLING]
Naive girls fooled by villainous twaddle
lined up dreaming they'd be a top model
until smoky car fumes
seemed to forbode their dooms
and stampeeding away they did toddle

[ON THE DEPRECIATING DOLLAR]
And though I’m no financial scholar
I can’t help but fear that my dollar
Is being diluted
Perhaps even looted
As it’s worth is so clearly much smaller

And this may rank as the most brilliantly unconventional cover letter of all time: last year she was pitching herself to a daily news site (which they didn't bite on--so she's open to any other leads):

WHY LIMERICKS? WHY NOW?
When so many of us in this nation
Are upset with our administration
We need a good chuckle
Before we all buckle
Beneath so much growing frustration
Saddled with a commander-in-chief
Who is foolish beyond all belief
While we’re waiting in terror
For his next big error
What’s wrong with some comic relief?

And what could make any more sense
Than a laugh at another's expense?
Just one wry limerick
Makes you feel better quick

Without manners or lofty pretense
For a limerick poem can convey
Potent truths pertinent to the day
With adroitly aimed spite
Filled with gleeful delight
Which is more than a sermon can say
For an epic's a thing of the past
While free verse is too free, in contrast
And a ballad or a chorus
Is likely to bore us
Where couplets are over too fast
And political poems in haiku
just seem wrong to me, how about you?
Where a stilted acrostic
Is too diagnostic
And sonnets will simply not do
But the limerick, pork rind of verse
Being Rabelaisian and yet terse
Is often apropos
And deals more of a blow
Than a longer poem that's less perverse
For regardless how lofty the mind
There are times when one needs to unwind
And just turn on the box
To watch something on FOX…
Or read poetry that's unrefined
So wouldn’t it just feel right
To allow some space on your website
To send-up a rumor
With sardonic humor
That isn’t PC or polite?
For when tiring of surfing the news
Or surveying Op-Eds and reviews
A depraved rhyming joke
That can tease and provoke
Is a thing I think many could use
Now my poesies, you should bear in mind
Do not tend to be tactful or kind
But my words, they can zing
With a marvelous sting
In that sense you could say, they're refined

It is true, I am terribly mean
And that matched with a wit that is keen
Means that I vent my bile
With exceptional style
I'm a limerick-writing machine

My first line, a clear picture will draw
So line two can lampoon someone's flaw
Using iconoclasm
And biting sarcasm
To drive home a hearty guffaw
There is little I can't versify
And my poems are in no short supply
If you didn't like one
Several more could be done
And be there in a blink of an eye
So the next time Lindsey's in a pinch
Call on me for the role of the Grinch
And the poem I will write
Will be so adiquite [sic]
It should make her old school teachers flinch

I could send some more samples to you
It would be very easy to do
Please feel free to suggest
Any theme you like best
I can write about any issue
So I thank you for "hearing" my pitch
I do hope you can find me a niche
Because you never know
As rude limericks go
Maybe mine can make everyone rich!

Comments

[Marissa Despain]

Give that girl a job! Make her stop! No, don't stop! This is fantastic.