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January 11, 2010


i think you err in assuming someone can wrench their hands from the monster's grip long enough to grab the rope or even notice it's there.

I wasn't going to post a comment, but once I saw that I wasn't the only one who often loses herself in Bejeweled, I had to say something. :)

I may smash up my house trying to drive out the pain I feel, but I'm not at the point where I'm ready to (ballistically, pharmaceutically, gravitationally, etc.) smash up my body and brain. It's exactly the sense of responsibility to my various "communities" that keeps me going. I figure that as long as I'm alive and reasonably functioning, I still have a chance at a writing career. Thank you so much for this post.

Thank you for sharing. Suicide is one of the hardest things to hear about, talk about, experience and do. Unfortunately, there are to many that end up doing it. There can be a lot of mental pain and anguish that pushes you that way. i have been there and i even wanted to do it. The only thing that stopped me was no resources and thirty minutes from just about anything.

Since then one of my most helpful things was on a billboard by local mental health department. It said,"
Suicide is a permenant solution to a temporary problem".

I know for two reasons, obvisously i am still here. The next day i could recall and remember everything that was happening but seemed like i was totally out of control. Also, like an out of body experience.

For you the author, keep talking about, if it is affecting you go find a profesional to talk to about it.

Thank you. You are beautiful.

This post seems to be helpful to people who survive those who commit suicide and I guess really we're all their survivors. So why don't I find it helpful at all? Well it's just not realistic. I can't imagine that any potentially suicidal person will be able to take heart from it. Once a person gets to the brink of suicide they have somehow gone past the feeling that anyone's arms are reaching for them. There may be some fault in their communities in particular or in society in general or perhaps the fault is strictly their own, though I doubt it. In any case, it would make much more sense to me if the exhortation was to those people who surround others who are depressed, in despair, deeply lonely, disconnected or in extreme pain. Look after each other!

That said, I am so sorry for your loss.

The suggestion that playing a video game could somehow sufficiently "distract" a profoundly depressed person from the urge to commit suicide is insulting to anyone who has suffered mental illness.

Prevention of suicide takes more than thinking of your effect on the community or playing video games. Depression is a serious illness that hurts. Was Rachel seeing a psychiatrist or getting medication? Were her friends in the literary world aware of her depression and did they try to get her into treatment?
Also, although depression leads to suicide, suicide itself is a mystery psychiatrists have not solved.

I never felt so understood by someone, other than my psychiatrist, than reading the Boston Globe version, published February 7, 2010. Ever. What joy It would have been for me to have felt this occasionally, as a child, and how different my life may have been.

Few people really understand. It is moment to moment agony. It is a persistent battle to resist the desire to end the pain. I am fortunate to have survived my yearning for death and am healing. I bless my psychiatrist and thank you deeply for your encouraging words of hope and support. You are a wonderful writer.

Comment from years later, so probably no one will read, but:

I have struggled with depression for about 20 years. The last time I wanted to be alive even fleetingly was about 8 years ago. I think about my own death basically every day, but I don't do it, because of how much it would hurt my parents and other people who care about me. I understand that suicide is a tremendously hurtful act, but here's a perspective from the other side: I'm being guilted into staying alive. I don't want to keep living, but society tells me that doing something about it is selfish, and I'm not allowed to control my own life. I'm living in daily torment that almost no one witnesses in order to prevent a very painful experience for a couple of people, and a kind of bad time for a few others. (I don't have many close friends. And yes, I'm on meds, seeing a therapist weekly, many many years of attempting to fix things.) I don't know what society you're living in where people aren't insisting that suicide is wrong. That's all I hear from everyone around me.

Sorry for the rant, I'm just frustrated with life, because I'm ready to be done now, but I've got probably 3-5 decades to go yet. An analogy that I've used to describe it is that life feels like a game of Monopoly, where the other person has hotels everywhere, most of the property, and I'm down to Baltic Avenue and the railroads. I concede, because it's been four hours, and I want to go to bed, but life says no, the rules are, you have to play until the game is finished. "But I've already admitted defeat! This isn't fun anymore." "Doesn't matter," says life, "keep rolling the dice and going around the board until the game is over, because those are the rules."

Suicide is incredibly hurtful to those around you. But it's worth acknowledging that telling other people they have to endure their own pain so you don't feel so bad is maybe not the best argument either.

Again, sorry for the negative tone. I know you mean well and are grieving.

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