Famous Last Words (by Laura Orem)

Everyone knows the two versions of Oscar Wilde's last words: either "I'm dying beyond my means" or "Either this wallpaper goes, or I do." Mark Twain recommended that all writers have a pen and paper handy at their bedside at all times, just in case death came upon them unexpectedly and they needed to quickly write down their last - and according to Twain, well-rehearsed - lines. I thought it would be fun to match up the following famous last words with their famous utterers.

No cheating, now. The winner gets bragging rights, and if I ever see you in person, I'll buy you a beer. I'll post the answers later in the week.

Last Words

1. "Don't let it end like this. Tell them I said something." 

2. "I still live...Poetry!"

3. "Why not? Why not? Why not? Why not? Yeah."

4. "Put that bloody cigarette out!"

5. "Moose...Indian..."

6. "Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub."

7. "Go away. I'm all right."

8. "Too late for fruit, too soon for flowers."

9. "Does nobody understand?"

10. "Good-bye. Why am I hemorrhaghing?"

11. "Lord help my poor soul."

12. "I see black light."

13. "Here I am, dying of a hundred good symptoms."

14. "I knew it, I knew it! Born in a hotel room and - God damn it - died in a hotel room!"

15. "Codeine...bourbon..."

16. "I am still alive!"

17. "Now I shall go to sleep. Good night."

18. "Damn it, don't you dare ask God to help me!"

19. "I am bored with it all."

20. "I am dying. I haven't drunk champagne for a long time."

21. "Never felt better!"

22. "I must go in. The fog is rising."

23. "God will pardon me; that's His line of work."

24. "I don't want to go home in the dark."

25. "Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough."

The Deceased

a. Lord Byron

b. Tallulah Bankhead

c. Caligula

d. Winston Churchill

e. O. Henry

f. Joan Crawford

g. Anton Chekhov

h. Heinrich Heine

i. Douglas Fairbanks

j. Emily Dickinson

k. Victor Hugo

l. Karl Marx

m. James Joyce

n. Walter de la Mare

o. Edgar Allen Poe

p. Eugene O'Neill

q. Alexander Pope

r. Pancho Villa

s. Conrad Hilton

t. Boris Pasternak

u. H.G. Wells

v. Saki (H.H. Munro)

w. Timothy Leary

x. Daniel Webster

y. Henry David Thoreau

Comments

[Grace Cavalieri]

This is incredible. They said all those things to YOU!? I am starting to compose my last words now to make your list someday!

[Laura Orem]

I get around...

[Joelle Biele]

This is super! Thanks so much for posting--

[Eric Bourland]

Caligula said: I still live! Poetry!

Thoreau said the bit about moose, indian.

Edgar Allan Poe: had to be: "Now I shall go to sleep. Good night."

or maybe Poe said "Lord help my poor soul."

or maybe "I see black light."

O'Neill: Hotel room.

Emily: "I don't want to go home in the dark." (I think?)

Joan C: "God will pardon me; that's His line of work."

Fairbanks: I've never felt better.

Crawford said the bit about not asking God for anything. That had to have been she. It's bitter enough for her.

"Codeine...bourbon..." .... at first I thought, Leary, but Leary was more of a space case than a boozer or opiate addict. I dunno .... who, in the list, lived in the time of popular, available codeine (like in the 70s)? hmmm.... maybe Leary after all.

"Leave the shower curtain on the inside of the tub." gotta be Hilton!

"I must go in. The fog is rising." -- sounds like Joyce

"Go on, get out! Last words are for fools who haven't said enough." -- sounds like Pope

That's all I got.