The Last HaHa [by Sharon Preiss]

There were such nice responses both here and on my Facebook page last week when I published my farewell to Mobile Libris, I thought you might enjoy a poem I wrote a few years ago in celebration of our fall 2010 season, one of our busiest. I read the poem at our annual ML holiday party, and it was a huge hit. There are, of course, some inside jokes, but I hope readers here enjoy it, too.

The poem includes book titles that we sold during the season, along with excerpts of blurbs and reviews from the books, a bunch of real subtitles (oh, the subtitles!), and some imagined email correspondence with clients and staff. Hope you get a laugh out of it, too. The book industry is full of weird quirks, enough to make you cry sometimes.

 

Fall 2010, From the Desk of Mobile Libris

 

It is 12:30 on Monday, September 13

and the former chair of the FDIC is throwing down

the gauntlet at the New York Palace Hotel. “It’s a

Senseless Panic, we’re having a meltdown, there are

thirty-five hundred guests, we should have 150 books, we can sell

40-50 a day, we need a fix, a bailout, fix our broken

system.” Mobile Libris is given a blunt indictment…

We sold one book.

 

It’s 6 o’clock pm and we’re sending Half the Sky

to Women in Communications

It’s 6:30pm and The New York Public Library is traveling an

American Passage: The History of Ellis Island.

The Women’s Republican Club hosts Great Negotiations:

            Agreements That Changed the Modern World.

The New School presents the season’s first non-fiction forum:

Geoffrey O’Brien and The Fall of the House of Walworth:

A Tale of Madness and Murder in Gilded Age America,

a Downward Spiral of Festering Insanity and murderous

mentality. Darkly Mesmerizing.

 

It’s 7pm at Alliance Fancaise: Happiness!: A Guide to

            Developing Life’s Most Important Skill.

It’s a brilliant synthesis, a revolutionary look,

tremendously engaging. Compelling. Inspirational.

Revelatory. Eloquent.

 

It’s Fordham University, Poets Out Loud

Eleventh Street Bar: Triptych Readings

It’s emerging and established writers

brought together for brief and luminous

readings in New York City’s East Village.

 

It’s 7:30pm on the West Side Highway

across from Chelsea Piers, and Nancy Brinker

is sharing how her sister’s struggle and death

led her to raise money for scientific research

in the hopes of one day finding a cure.

 

It’s KGB Poetry on East 4^th St, after a bit of rain,

and Rita Ann Higgins is Throwing in the Vowels

while Cohorting with Philip Fried.

And at the 92^nd Street Y, in the Warburg Lounge,

in the corner to my left, wearing the red and white striped

trunks -- Eliza Griswold with her Dispatches from the

Fault Line Between Christianity and Islam – the Tenth

Parallel!! She’s a courageous reporter, a gifted writer.

The book is deeply impressive and immensely rewarding.

Her talent is like a blinding light! She gives us a rare look

and a riveting investigation of the triumph of the human

imagination; an essential work that will remake the world

in years to come!

 

And in the corner to my right, also wearing red and white trunks –

one of the few people in America committed to

exposing the monstrous elephants in the room, she blends

outrage and optimism, she’s a voice of conscience

in a time when we need conscience more than ever,

one of Time Magazines 100 most influential people --

Arianna Huffington, with her hard hitting polemic: Third World

America: How Our Politicians are Abandoning the Middle Class

and Betraying the American Dream.

 

How Our Economy is Undermining the Environmental Revolution

How the European Model Can Help You Get a Life

How Does It Feel to be a Problem?

How the Fierce Handle Fear

How the Lunatic Fringe is Hijacking America

How the Tea Party Movement is Fundamentally Remaking

            Our Two Party System.

How Wars End

How Religion Divides and Unites Us

How to Raise a Drug Free Kid

How Colleges are Wasting our Money and

            Failing Our Kids – and What We can Do About It

How Pleasure Works

How Food Shapes Our Lives

How Baseball Cards Became an American Obsession

How Mighty Table Tennis Shapes Our World

How One Man and Ten Symphonies Changed Our World

How Medicine, Meditation and Madonna Saved My Life

How I Lost My Job, Put on My Pajamas and Found Happiness

 

Hello Booksellers: just a gentle reminder that you are expected

to arrive at your venue 20-30 minutes before the start time of the program.

Thanks, Sharon

 

Hi Sharon, Jane is going to cover my event next Thursday. Thanks, Katie.

 

Hi Sharon, Nick Kristoff and Sheryll Wu Dunn will be signing copies

of Half the Sky at Cooper Union, the UN, the New York Times,

Saturday morning, Monday noon, and Thursday evenings for the rest

of their lives. Can you sell books for us there?

 

Hey Jessamy. It’s Sharon. I won’t be coming in today. I think I’m

coming down with the Icarus Syndrome.

 

Hi Sharon. Just want to let you know that Priya will be working for me tonight.

Thanks, Katie.

 

Booksellers: Please remember, we always tell the event coordinators

that you will arrive 20-30 minutes before the start of the program.

Please bear this in mind when planning your time. Thanks, Sharon

 

Sharon, Kim will be working my Saturday event. Thanks, Katie.

 

Dear QRST University Press. Thanks for getting in touch and

asking Mobile Libris to be part of your University Snoozefest

next week. We’ll gladly be there! Cheers, Sharon

 

Booksellers: You must be on time for your events, 20-30 minutes before the

start time of the program. This is important. Sharon

 

Hey Sharon. Shantaya will be covering my Brooklyn Library event next Tuesday.

See you later, Katie.

 

Hi Amanda: I need to take the day off today. This Icarus Syndrome has really got me down. Sharon

 

Hi Sharon. I know that it’s 4:45 on a Friday afternoon

and the chances for this are slim, but could you possibly

sell books for us in five minutes at Soho House? I think

we’d need about 750,000 books. They are expecting 20 people.

 

Hi Sharon. Anne will be covering my event tonight. Thanks, Katie.

 

Hi all. I’ll be out of the office for the next few days. I just can’t seem

to get over this Icarus Syndrome. Sharon

 

And now it is Saturday, December 18, 2010.

Our season has been The True Story of the

Riot Grrrl Revolution, The (Almost) Complete and

(Entirely) Entertaining Story of America.

A Story of Steam, Industry, and Invention,

A Super Sad True Love Story,

A Story of Punishment and Deliverance.

 

It’s been The Epic Struggle for Wealth, Power and

Civilization. We’ve had Adventures in Taxidermy,

Adventures Among Ants, Adventures in the

Margin of Error.

 

It’s been a Journey Behind the Headlines.

It’s Three Women, Three Miracles,

and a Ten Year Journey of Discovery and

Friendship.

 

It’s now The End of the Day, The End

of the West, The End of the World

As We Know It. The End and the Beginning.

Comments

[Stacey]

I remember laughing out loud when you read this poem at the party. It's hilarious and sad at the same time. And makes for a terrific poem!