This fall I’ve been teaching creative writing again in a traditional classroom with 20 year olds. Their smooth, unlined faces stare back at me with an array of emotions ranging from skepticism to wonder (expressions, that in the end, are troublingly similar)—they don’t exactly know how they got here or why they are here, but somehow we get to the first poetry workshop and their pages are full of break-ups. There’s something about a writing workshop that opens up all the locked doors and we get poems and poems about his leaving, her heartbreak, how each of them wrecked it all.
There’s the unique affinity that break-ups inspire that we can’t resist writing or reading about—it is the great equalizer. No matter how fresh or how distant the relationship, how many years have passed, we still have sense memories of those experiences—mine involve a parking lot on a warm summer night sitting on a curb, crying all over the dirty sidewalk.
Although I’ve never written about that night, I remember that moment still so many years later and as readers, we remember and relive it within the world of the poem. It’s that vulnerability, that kick in the mouth, the sopping-wet-on-the-inside feeling that we’ve all had. Who can resist the emotions? Hidden or raw, it’s there—the pain, the loneliness, all those images of things cracked open. I experience it all over again with the students—how their hurt and tenderness rises on the page with red eyes, a blue bruised heart. Its why even years later the thought of being stuck in an elevator with an ex churns my stomach, makes my tongue thick and clumsy. These poems remind us that we are all ripe for the tearing—love is tenuous and we should remember that.
So next semester, I’m going to dedicate a whole class session to break-up poems. It’s on everyone’s brains from the beginning of the semester and I want them to see how experienced writers navigate these emotions without being too self-indulgent and exclusionary. Good writing lets us in, even for a little while, with dignity or anger or embarrassment. And that’s what we want, I tell my students, we don’t want to be on the sidelines. We want to be let in.
Two poems that are on my list for next semester are Aimee Nezhukumatathil’s “Are All the Break-Ups in Your Poems Real?” from her book Lucky Fish and Paisely Rekdal’s “Flowers from a New Love after the Divorce” from her collection Animal Eye. One makes me smile and the other makes me shiver.
Are All the Break-Ups in Your Poems Real?
By Aimee Nezhukumatathil - (http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/245516)
If by real you mean as real as a shark tooth stuck
in your heel, the wetness of a finished lollipop stick,
the surprise of a thumbtack in your purse—
then Yes, every last page is true, every nuance,
bit, and bite. Wait. I have made them up—all of them—
and when I say I am married, it means I married
all of them, a whole neighborhood of past loves.
Can you imagine the number of bouquets, how many
slices of cake? Even now, my husbands plan a great meal
for us—one chops up some parsley, one stirs a bubbling pot
on the stove. One changes the baby, and one sleeps
in a fat chair. One flips through the newspaper, another
whistles while he shaves in the shower, and every single
one of them wonders what time I am coming home.
Flowers from a New Love after the Divorce
By Paisley Rekdal - (http://www.poetryfoundation.org/poem/245908)
Cut back the stems an inch to keep in bloom.
So instructs the florist’s note
enclosed inside the flowers.
Who knew what was cut
could heal again, the green wounds close
stitching themselves together?
It doesn’t matter. The flowers, red
and white, will bloom awhile, then wither.
You sit in an unlit room and watch
the vase throw crystal shadows through the dark.
The flowers’ colors are so lovely they’re painful.
In a week, you’ll have to throw them out.
It’s only hope that makes you take out scissors,
separate each bloom and cut
where you last measured. Did you know
Venus was said to turn into a virgin
each time she bathed? She did it
as a mark of love. She did it
so as to please her lovers. Perhaps,
overwhelmed by pain,
she eventually stopped bathing
altogether. It doesn’t matter. It’s a pleasure
to feel the green nubs stripped, watch the stems
refresh under your blade. They’re here
because they’re beautiful. They glow
inside your crystal vase. And yet
the flowers by themselves are nothing:
only a refraction of color that,
in a week or two, will be thrown out.
Day by day, the water lowers. The red-
and-white heads droop, blacken at the stems.
It doesn’t matter. Even cut stems heal.
But what is the point of pain if it heals?
Some things should last forever, instructs
the florist’s note. Pleasure,
says one god. Shame, says another.
Venus heads, they call these flowers.
In a week or two, you’ll lose the note,
have to call the florist up.
With sympathy, you’ll think he says.
Perhaps: With love. It doesn’t matter.
You’ve stopped bathing. Alone,
you sit before the crystal
vase refracting you in pieces
through the dark. You watch
the pale skin bloom inside it, wither.
You petal, inch by inch.
You turn red and white together.