Parisians woke to this elegant celebration of Idiocy on Tuesday morning. The headline reads: “Attacks by ISIS coming one after another: Terror without end.” The legend: “Yesterday in Las Vegas”. Sources say that Fox News has started legal action against CNewsMatin’s joke writers, for plagiarism but the tourism directorates vows to fight for its original copyright.
In addition to the 2024 Olympics, Paris is also host to ongoing celebrations of Idiocy.
Tuesday morning Gallic strap hangers were greeted with a remarkable tour de force by the free newspaper CNews Matin with an article linking all homicide, as well as the massive arming of American yahoos and, perhaps, affective penile erection dysfunction, with the ISIS terrorist organization.
Noting that Idiocy first arose in Africa when Yahweh denied pissing on Lucy's rhododendrons after a particularly lively bout of sousing with boon companion but new-husband Adam, eternal Emeritus Professor of Obscure Studies at Sorbonne Paris I Panthéon Woland praised newspapers in particular but cautioned against overlooking the absurdity potential of institutions, neighbors, friends and close family.
In a tour-de-force display of what some are already calling la Nouvelle idiotie (New idiocy) in celebration of Idiocy, this headline box blithely links the murderous sexual frustration of a Florida nightclub shooter, the murderous venting of a 64-year-ol gun nut in Las Vegas, the knife-murder of two women in the Marseille central train station by an apparently deranged man murmuring ‘Allah Akbhar’ and the ISIS terrorist organization in one seamless factoid.
“Paris, with its savoir faire in elegant partying and luxurious living is likely to rival even Washington in spectacles of sublime absurdity and, even, in plain ridiculousness,” said Behemoth, a 200-pound black cat with a broken ear, as well as a trusted Woland bodyguard and firearms expert. Woland pointed to the sheer, barely concealed, cynicism of CNews Matin's journalistic dishonesty as an example of professionalism made in France. "It's not even a big newspaper," sneers Behemoth, "But when these French Coqs crow, well, they cock-a-doodle-do-do like the Big Boys."
Behemoth, who also serves as sub-director for Climate-Change Application & Utilisation for the Dominant Species Replacement Project Directorate for the Joint Feline-United Planets Commission on Cosmological Housecleaning, celebrated humanity’s unflinching command of basely sinister absurdity, “It's all so convenient! Hominins – hee-hee, ‘homo sapiens’ –is a friend of Idiocy wherever you find it, in Paris and out of it!”
