"Zeno’s Paradox as Paraphrased by Sholom Aleichem" [by David Lehman with thanks to Maurice Samuel]

          In my senior year of college I was nervous about getting drafted and having to go to Vietnam. Morris Simon, father of Rochelle, the curly-haired brunette on whom I had a crush, was considered the wise man of the synagogue, and it was to him that my father suggested I go to for advice. Mr. Simon was the head of the temple’s Chevra Kadisha, which undertook the community’s funeral arrangements and cemetery maintenance. After I had my say, he made this cheerful little speech.

          “There’s really nothing to worry about,” he said. “You have to go to the army. Well, one of two things will happen. Either you’ll be sent to Vietnam or you won’t. If you’re not, what’s there to worry about?  But let’s say they send you to Vietnam. One of two things will happen. You’ll get a cushy desk job in Saigon or you’ll go to the front. If you get the desk job, there’s nothing to worry about. But even suppose they volunteer you into the 173rd Airborne Brigade and God forbid they send you to the Mekong Delta as part of Operation Marauder and there are two short artillery rounds, one of two things will happen. Either you’ll get wounded in the blast, or you won’t. If you won’t, what’s there to worry about? But even suppose you do get wounded, chas vishalom, one of two things will happen. Either you’ll recover or you won’t. If you recover, what’s there to worry about? But even suppose you don’t recover, one of two things will happen. You’ll be buried in hallowed ground like a good Jewish boy or you won’t. If you’re buried in hallowed ground, what’s there to worry about? But suppose you’re not buried in hallowed ground. Well,” Mr. Simon paused, “well, then, my dear David, you’re in one hell of a fix.”

-- David Lehman, with thanks to Maurice Samuel  (3 / 22 / 18). Pictured above: Sholom Aleichem.

Comments

[Terence Winch]

Wonderful. That's definitely a poem.

[Shayari ki Dayari]

your blog is very nice thanks for sharing us...

[aasik]

"Mending Wall": even Frost's title has two meanings.

[Imperial Money]

Superb article!!