Columbia College 1967, #24
Ellen Erlanger, Barnard Student
I’m taking a class called Women in the Modern Novel.
Everyone knows that the teacher, Professor Sims,
Is not well so it’s kind of an emotional experience
Twice a week and I try to make an effort in the class
Because it obviously means a lot to Professor Sims,
A really sweet person maybe about sixty years old.
Word gets around that she likes when girls bring
Cupcakes but that’s not my style so I just try
To make an effort in class and show appreciation.
During a class on Pride and Prejudice Professor Sims
Posed one of her wistful subtly heartbreaking questions:
‘If this is supposed to be a class about the modern novel
‘And Pride and Prejudice was written over 150 years ago
‘What if anything occurs to you as modern about it?’
I spoke up and said, ‘This sentence in the book jumped
‘Off the page at me with its modernism in contrast to
‘Austen’s graceful stylistic locutions. The sentence is:
"Stupid men are the only ones worth knowing, after all."
I was glad to see a spark of amusement if not of hope
In Professor Sims’ eyes as she asked me for my thoughts
About that sentence and I tried hard to fulfill her request.
Poor Professor Sims. Poe’s idea that the fittest subject
For poetry is the death of a beautiful woman suddenly
Came to mind because Professor Sims was very beautiful.
I heard myself saying, ‘In high school I had a boyfriend
‘Who was stupid but he was worth knowing because
‘He loved me in such a pure and unblocked stupid way.
‘He would get this look of slack-jawed stupefaction
‘While he was gazing at my body to the point that
‘I used to wonder what is he actually seeing there?
‘What could possibly bring on such bewilderment?
Eventually I realized that there was no cognitive
‘Interference between what he saw and what he felt
‘So he was like a toaster plugged into a power plant
‘And then when we made love there was also total
‘Disintermediation like a flopping fish out of water.
‘Where did you go to high school?’ This question
From one of the two Columbia guys who joined the
Class for the second semester broke the spell that
Followed my excessively intimate reminiscences.
The girls around the table shared amused glances
And Professor Sims smiled too. ‘A progressive school,’
I said going along with the joke. ‘College preparatory.’
The guy had a little red button pinned on his shirt:
An SDS radical. The other kid was an Orthodox Jew.
As things got back to normal Professor Sims found
The stupid men sentence in Pride and Prejudice and
Read the preceding one as well: ‘I am going tomorrow
'To find a man who has not a single agreeable quality,
‘With neither manner nor sense to recommend him.'
Professor Sims remarked, ‘This is an anarchistic motif
‘In Jane Austen’s work that crops up once in a while’
And the class seemed interested to discuss that. Later
As everyone was leaving the professor took me aside.
She said, ‘Is it intelligence or instinct or just youthful
Precociousness that allows you to express yourself
From unusual angles and with odd combinations of
Archaic orotundity and a well-calibrated diffidence.
See, I can do it too and I find it winning but most
People won’t understand you or will tune you out
As is done with Jane Austen’s secret anarchism.
What do you think?’ ‘Oh, it’s all just stupidity,’ I said
And I couldn’t tell if she was about to laugh or cry.
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