from "Julius Jaffe: The Analects" [by Mitch Sisskind]

OLD SONG
Julius Jaffe sang an old song:
'Boys, boys, too much noise!
Abie! Louie! Kum in hoyz!'

CONCUPISCENCE
Julius Jaffe said, "In Torah,
the Land of Egypt is a metaphor
for concupiscence." 

THE GODFATHER PART III
Morrie Brier asked Julius Jaffe for 
his opinion of The Godfather Part III.
Julius Jaffe said, "Feh! Feh!"

BERNIE BERLOWITZ
Julius Jaffe said, "By transgressing
a single word of Torah -- 'yarbeh' --
King Solomon caused the splitting
of the kingdom for his descendants.
How much more so, then, for Bernie
Berlowitz, who transgressed the
whole book of Shemot!"

FASTING AND FRESSING
On Yom Kippur, Julius Jaffe attended
services, and, as befits a Jew, he was
fasting. But following the services he
saw the Rabbi fressing on hard boiled
eggs. In shock, Julius Jaffe exclaimed:
"Rabbi, why are you fressing so?"
The Rabbi smiled. "I am modest in
my piety," he said. "When I fress,
I hide from others that I am fasting."

THE ANGEL OF DEATH
Julius Jaffe was carrying a large box of bricks on
his shoulders. The day was hot. Too weary to
go on, Julius Jaffe dropped the box and called
out to the Angel of Death. At that instant the
Angel appeared and said, "Can I be of service
to you?" Now trembling in fear, Julius Jaffe said,
"Yes. Could you help me put this box of bricks
back on my shoulders?"

Comments

[The Best American Poetry]

Yes, we would miss the box of bricks, said Uncle Shmuel. Now, if there's nothing else, I'd like to go to my daughter's wedding. -- DL