from "Julius Jaffe: The Poems" [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Shlump
Jess Rabin and Julius Jaffe were walking with a shlump.
Jess Rabin said to Julius Jaffe, "Open your mouth and
"Deliver words of Torah." Julius Jaffe replied, "'Her ways
""Are ways of delight.'" (Proverbs 3:17) The shlump said,
"A coin in a flask is found in this verse. Wherever in Torah
"One reads 'ways,' the ways were opened by our sages
"Who went to the bottom of the sea. Now the ways are
"Open on every side and in every direction in the world."
They said, "How do you know?" The shlump said, "I heard
"It from my father." Julius Jaffe asked, "Who was your father?"
The shlump said, "a great fish" and the shlump disappeared.

Shinderman

Shinderman approached Julius Jaffe.

He said, "I have a chance to make a

"Lot of money on a risky investment.

"What should I do?" Julius Jaffe said,

"Make the investment. You can make

"A lot of money."

Shinderman returned and said, "I lost

"My money but I still have some money

"For another risky investment. I can make

"A lot of money. So what should I do?"

Julius Jaffe said, "Make the investment.

"You can make a lot of money."

Shinderman reappeared and said,

"I lost my money again. I now have

"Only two dollars left to my name.

"Should I bet my two dollars on a

"Longshot at the horse races?"

Julius Jaffe said, "Yes."

That same night Shinderman said,

"I lost my two dollars! I have no money!"

Julius Jaffe said, "No money? Not even

"A dime?" Shinderman said, "Not a penny!"

Julius Jaffe said, "Mazel tov! Because now

"You can really pray."

Shtunk & Shlump

To embarrass the shlump, the shtunk

Asked how many women the shlump

Had shtupped. "Just one woman,"

The shlump replied and the shtunk

Laughed at him. "I have shtupped

"A hundred of them!" said the shtunk,

Whereupon Julius Jaffe interceded,

"If a man has shtupped one woman

"And really loved her, that man is

"A greater lover than if he shtupped

"A thousand of them." But the shtunk

Laughed again. "Only a thousand?"

"Ten thousand! A hundred thousand!"

Julius Jaffe excitedly exclaimed.

Comments

[David Lehman]

Wilt Chamberlain agrees about the thousand. But ten thousand! A hundred thousand! That's going too far, man.