"No truth to the rumor" at Columbia

We're grateful to Adela Quant (not her real name) who leaked this exchange of correspodence to us.

 

<<<

To the Office of the President:

 

Don't you think that the university should discipline the masked hooligans who disrupt classes, occupy buildings, destroy property, injure staff, and make crude anti-Semitic slurs to intimidate Jewish students? Even the New York Times reports: Some Jewish Students Are Targeted as Protests Continue at Columbia." Not just Fox news. Did you know that Hamas files show it spies on ordinary Palestinians? Furthermore, the former co-president of a Columbia Barnard Sikh Group says she was forced out for being pro-Israel.  And now this. And now this. Are you in favor of Hamas?

Marvin Butler SAS '93
>>>

 

<<<

Dear Marvin:

I am writing in response to your concern over recent events on campus. I want to assure you that your thoughts and concerns are being shared with University leadership. I appreciate that you feel passionately about this situation and feel strongly about the University. I hope the fact is not lost on you that my first three sentences all begin with "I" and yet there is no individual signatory.

 

There is no truth to the rumor that "recent events" and "this situation" are as they are portrayed. Consider the tendency of the media, or certain elements of it, to distort such events and to allow itself to be exploited by bad actors.  There is also no truth to the rumor that unabashedly pro-Hamas propagadists work actively on our campus. Despite our academic safeguards of free expresion even for those whose views are most odious, the rumor that Jewish students at Columbia are required to wear enlarged yellow stars made of cloth as opposed to making a clothes-optional choice as in the case of masks is false..

 

Secondly, polls show us 68% of you are aganst calling in the politce under any circumstances. 

 

Nor is there truth to the rumor that the university is changing its name to something less Occidental, less colonial, and more consonant with the values of what we used condescendingly to call the third world. As President Armstrong has stated, Columbia does not tolerate antisemitism, discrimination, harassment, or intimidation against members of our community. We have taken steps to heighten and clarify our disciplinary processes through the new Office of Institutional Equity, appointing a new Rules Administrator, and strengthening the capabilities of our Public Safety Office as we work in tandem with the NYPD and other law enforcement. As we move forward, our Campus Climate Collaborative and Task Force on Antisemitism continue to work to identify and assess how Jewish members of the Columbia community feel, review University policies, and propose methods to support Jewish people at Columbia. 

 

I hope this offers additional insightful context and further understanding of how Columbia is working to promote a culture of civility and empathy where everyone feels safe and respected. Your commitment to improving the campus community is vital as we persevere through challenging times, and your insight is essential.

 

Sincerely,

The Columbia University Alumni Relations  & Development Team

>>>

Comments

[Adam Cornford]

Is this satire? If it is, does its author support Hamas's massacre of October 7th or oppose it? Does s/he support or oppose Columbia University's (and NYPD's) treatment of student protesters, or oppose it?

[Leah Martinson]

This is biting satire -- and amazing to see how an illustrious Ivy League institution is hellbent on detroying its own credibility.