The Best American Poetry

Demons and Imps [by Mitch Sisskind]

How many demons and imps are in the world?

Ha ha! I laugh when I'm asked that question;

Demons and imps are numberless and timeless.

Angels flit in and out of existence like quarks

And anti-quarks but demons and imps exist

Forever even if their wicked work may change.

For example sexual intercourse near outdoor toilets

Was forbidden for centuries and imps kept watch

But today those same imps spy on men (women too),

Lawyers, doctors, Wall Street types, famous athletes,

Anyone who watches pornography on their computers

Or phones and that comprises most of the population.

What about Lilith the terrifying queen of the demons?

Now you're talking. Imps can cause techno-related

Embarrassments but Lilith can transform herself into

The Serpent from the Book of Genesis, the Golden Calf

From Exodus, or even into a shyly blushing bride on

Her wedding night who very suddenly stops blushing.

Remember: Lilith bolted from Gan Eden for wanting

To be "on top." Feh, feh. You know what else?

After the ruin of the Second Temple when God

For a time was estranged from his female aspect

Lilith and God became intimate with one another.

That really happened -- feh! -- but it's a secret.

SoftApple (by Mitch Sisskind)

 

 

We're in a luxurious hotel suite, Bill Gates,

Steve Jobs, and I -- but I'm invisible and

Bill Gates does most of the talking as

He and Steve Jobs sip brandy from

Crystal snifters and I love the word snifter

But let's put that aside because Bill Gates

Suddenly proposes merging Microsoft

And Apple to create a new company

Called SoftApple and when Steve Jobs

Seems skeptical Bill Gates references

The Peloponnesian War and explains

How the course of world history would

Have changed if Athens and Sparta

Had simply agreed to bury the hatchet

So when Bill Gates says bury the hatchet

Then Steve Jobs little by little begins

Envisioning all the SoftApple possibilities,

Steve Jobs slowly starts to come around,

He starts to wake up and smell the coffee

But at the instant that the old coffee cliché

Makes its appearance, why, I'm the one

Who wakes up. You see, it was all a dream!

The Devil and Donna Reed (by Mitch Sisskind)

 

Lou Holtz who was a great football coach

Said that the most important relationship

In your life is with God because God has

All the power over everything so why

Keep batting your head against the wall

By disobeying God which will never work?

Why keep eating your heart out uselessly?

John Milton makes much the same point

In Paradise Lost where the Devil actually

Knows full well that God has all the power

But he still pig-headedly brings about an

Epic mess of everything with his puerile

Attention-getting behavior caused by

A pathetic need for self-aggrandizement.

However there is a scene in Paradise Lost

Where the Devil has some doubts about

Whether to make the mess and although

He does finally decide to make it anyway

We can recall how Lou Holtz says that

The second most important relationship

In your life (after God) is with your spouse.

If the Devil had a spouse she could have

Talked him out of his infamous scheme;

I think a whore-with-a heart-of gold such as

Donna Reed in From Here to Eternity who

Won an Academy Award in 1953 could have

Swayed the Devil since that kind of woman

Is impossible to resist! Yes, even for the Devil!

 

Amusing little morning nosegays [by Mitch Sisskind]

'I'd rather get my ass whipped with a plank

'Than go to a dinner party.' For these words

We have Billy Bob Thornton to thank

As for morning's songs we thank the birds.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Now listen here and you listen good
Don't you dare go around using that 
Expression it's not my first rodeo!
I hate that expression and it's been 
Cropping up like the kudzu plant so
If you want to use an expression 
You'd best say the jury is still out or 
That's a horse of a different color or
Katie bar the door like if the dentist 
Wants to take your teeth out you say
Katie bar the door or say Jesus Christ
Or Christ Jesus which is six of one or
Half a dozen of the other and bull riders
Didn't used to wear football helmets.  

Sonnet After Milton [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Waiting is one of Judaism's great themes
As when Abraham waited to be the father
Of a great nation which God promised him 
Or he also waited to be the father of a child
Both of which finally happened but only when
He was an old man with a long white beard.
Or what about how the Jews waited for 
Moses to come down from Mount Sinai?

You might think we're also just waiting for 
Moshiach but it's not like John Milton said
You also serve when you only stand and wait.
You should expedite Moshiach whether it's by
Philanthropy like a humongous concert hall or
Cancer hospital or by not stepping on an ant.

Untitled (The Hamburger Lounge) [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there.
Eliot, Crane, Whitman, Amy and Robert Lowell,
 When they wanted hamburgers, they knew where.

The Golden Ox on Clybourn used to prepare 
A fine zwiebelfleisch, served with a roll; 
But the Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there.

He rarely attended the Golden Ox, nor repaired
To the old Gripe 'n' Groan. Edna Milay, Heinrich Böll
When they wanted hamburgers, they knew where.

Kit Smart, Hilda Doolittle, Pound, John Clare, 
Their passion for hamburgers was beyond control; 
And the Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there. 

Though I am unworthy, this one aspect I share 
WIth the past’s great metrists, in my heart and soul:
When they wanted hamburgers, they knew where.

To reveal, to disclose a hamburger past all compare
Was their supreme aspiration, their deepest-held goal
And when they wanted hamburgers, they knew where;
The Hamburger Lounge? Yeats loved it there.

The Doves, The Clown, & The Camel [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Under the aegis of Joey Aiuppa (Doves Aiuppa,
Joey The Doves Aiuppa, Mourning Doves Aiuppa)
No one could be killed (whacked) in Elmwood Park  
So you had to get a scumbag (mope, numb-nuts)
Across Harlem Avenue in order to whack him. 
You couldn't even bring a gun to Elmwood Park
During the Aiuppa years. What about Melrose Park?
Things were kind of more lenient in Melrose Park
Although it was the birthplace of Mourning Doves,
And River Forest? That was like the Wild West 
Where Accardo, Spilatro, and Moony Giancana 
Had residences and where Moony (Momo) took
A couple of .22s to the coconut after which Doves
And Tony Accardo (Joe) moved to Palm Springs.

Now here's something you might find interesting.
While many gangsters were moving  to the suburbs
One man, Joey Lombardo (Lomby, Lumpy, the Clown)
Stayed on Ohio Street in Chicago with his wife Marion. 
Even after Lumpy and Marion got divorced Lomby
Just moved downstairs into the basement. Why? 
Perhaps there were some financial machinations 
Going on but probably Lumpy just felt attached 
To the Grand Avenue and Western Avenue environs 
Where he grew up. Of course he disliked being called 
The Clown which the various news media persisted
In calling him whenever his name came up just like
Tony Spilotro disliked being called the Ant or how
Tony Accardo always insisted on being called Joe.

A mysterious and even a spectral presence among
The gangsters was Murray the Camel, also called 
Curly or Murray the Hump. Extremely intelligent, 
Always well-dressed, Murray the Camel generally 
Eschewed violence in favor of bribery or blackmail 
To achieve the Outfit's ends, and he was known as
A philanthropist in Norman Oklahoma where he met
Clemi, his first wife. They divorced but stayed friends
While at his home in Chicago he built a playhouse
For his daughter in the backyard and he helped
Many gangsters get back on their feet when
They got out of jail. When he took Sidney Korshak 
Under his wing as the Outfit's fixer in Hollywood 
The Hump said, "Sid, don't forget who you work for."

 

Casino brought to life [by Mitch Sisskind]

Casino is the best Mafia film although some might say that Casino
could not exist without the preceding Goodfellas so Casino is sort
of like Goodfellas 2. Be that as it may characters in Casino derive
from guys in the so-called Outfit -- the Chicago Mafia -- who ran
Las Vegas. A lot of us poetry readers, while we are familiar with
Joe Pesce and Robert De Niro in Casino, might not know about
their real life counterparts so a few of them can be seen below:

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Joey Aiuppa, on the right, was the CEO of the Outfit at the time 
in which Casino takes place although the character upon which
he is based is supposed to be from Kansas City in the film and
only appears in one or two scenes. I don't know who the guy on
the left is. 

                                                                                                                                                       

                                                                                                                                                                                                                       

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Robert De Niro plays Lefty Rosenthal in Casino and Sharon
Stone plays his wife. This photo shows the real Lefty Rosenthal 
on the right along with his wife so you can see how incredibly
hot she was just like Sharon Stone in the movie. The other guy
is Michael Spilotro. He was the brother of Anthony Spilotro,
who was played by Joe Pesce in the film. I don't know who 
the woman on the left is. Maybe Michael's wife?

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Here's a rare and unusual picture of Anthony Spilotro -- Joe Pesce's character --
playing ping-pong. Anthony Spilotro looks kind of pudgy and baby-faced in the 
picture but he was actually violent and hot-headed like Pesce portrayed him. 
Maybe it's not explicit in the movie but in real life Anthony Spilotro had sexual 
intercourse with Left Rosenthal's hot wife which made waves so Joey Aiuppa
okayed the execution of Anthony Spilotro. The real life hit of Anthony Spilotro 
happened somewhat like in the movie except Anthony's brother Michael was 
also whacked at the same time and they were not whacked in a cornfield but 
were subsequently transported to a cornfield and buried there. Why was 
Michael also whacked? Who cares. Furthermore, the bodies of Michael 
and Anthony were soon discovered by a farmer whereas if they had been 
buried a scant few yards away it would have been on remote public land 
where they probably would never have been found and there would have 
been no heat brought down. So the guy who chose the cornfield burial site
got whacked. 

Big Daddy Lipscomb [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1.
I asked Jesus for a moment of his time,
We got together at the bottom of a mine
And when I asked Jesus for twenty bucks
He said ducks quack and chickens cluck
But Big Daddy Lipscomb feared no man
So be who you are to the best that you can,
Like Big Daddy Lipscomb was always mean,
He called me Jesus and I called him Gene
When we drove together on unlit streets
To a boom-a-lay boom-a-lay old time beat,
Big Daddy Lipscomb and little old me
Picking up chicks just being wild and free,
Big Daddy Lipscomb was always mean,
He called me Jesus and I called him Gene.

2.
There goes Big Daddy tooling 'round the bend;
He used to play for Baltimore, I knew him when
Him and Artie Donovan drank before the games
There in the locker room without any shame
About it either, and Big Daddy sure loved his car 
So when they played in NYC he drove way too far
Off of what used to be called the scenic route,
Picking up girls in Delaware and other ones to boot
In Philadelphia simply by saying that his name was
Big Daddy Lipscomb and he nearly missed the game
But he distinguished himself in a goal line stand 
And when last seconds ticked away he said hey man
To Artie Donovan, you want to shoot horse with me?
Artie said you go ahead, I know how the end will be.

3.
Big Daddy didn't play no college ball,
The Marine Corps was pretty much all
The experience he had on defensive line
Till he joined the Rams but then he signed
With the Colts and took his car for a whirl 
All by himself except for picking up girls
In towns where girls just want to get out
And go to New York City or how about
Memphis or Chicago, or anywhere is fine;
Nights by the motel pool drinking wine
Big Daddy wonders if maybe he'll quit
Football before the start of all that shit,
Two a day practices out in the sun  
Is plain old work but girls are fun.

Lady Caroline Lamb (1785-1828) [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

O be with me! How dear I am,

Flinging myself from chair to chair.

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb.

Would you like a witty epigram

Or a discreet snip of my pubic hair?

O be with me! How dear I am!

For Byron I made pleasing shams

Dressed as squires or Scots lairds;

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb.

But what now avails such flimflam

As we played, our unchaste dares?

O be with me! How dear I am!

For my novels I was also slammed

By vain unlettered aristo types. How unfair!

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb.

Reader, let's meet among the damned

And do as we please, they won't care.

O be with me! How dear I am!

I'll write only paeans and dithyrambs

In hell, I'll be such a good girl there!

O be with me! How dear I am!

Hello, I am Lady Caroline Lamb!

                                ***

Some notes:

Stanza 2: Lamb sent this snip to Byron

on August 9, 1812.

Stanza 3: Lamb liked to cross-dress

to amuse Byron or to gain access to

him when he was trying to hide from her.

Lamb was a vastly more interesting and

talented person than I've been able to

convey in this poem (sniff, sob.) There's

an excellent biography by Paul Douglass.

Born in the Belly of the Belmont Hotel [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

1
Born in the belly of the Belmont Hotel 
Near the end of the war. At the Belden-Stratford,
I received my education. The Park Lane?
Hours there in the coffee shop. The Webster 
Is where I will die, unless at the Rienzi Hotel. 
For many years I lived at the Diversey Arms.

2
Frolicsome, young-lamb-like, the Diversey Arms
Scorned that orthopedic grandma, the Belmont Hotel,
While the temperate latitude of the Rienzi Hotel
Was my standby, as too was the Belden-Stratford,
Where Al Farber's Steak Room was, or the Webster
Which had no barbershop -- and the Park Lane . . .

3
Let me tell you something about the Park Lane:
There were holographic ghost girls. The Diversey Arms
Claimed Elmer Horwich but he died at the Webster;
Elmer wolfed down chopped liver at the Belmont Hotel.
He should have gone to Farber's at the Belden-Stratford,
Or stayed sequestered, ensconced, at the Rienzi Hotel. 

4
For a time Charlie Livingston lived at the Rienzi Hotel
Until, after Elmer Horwich died, he left the Park Lane
For Elmer's old Rienzi room, and at the Belden-Stratford
Looked down his nose at the puerile Diversey Arms.
His bed was at the Belden-Stratford and at the Belmont Hotel.
He flossed his teeth, struggling not to end up at the Webster.

5
Oh Christ, I am so royally fucked at the Webster
And I am completely fucked at the Rienzi Hotel.
What did I think would happen at the Belmont Hotel,
Where I am also fucked, or at the Park Lane
Where I am fucked. At the Diversey Arms
I am fucked. I am fucked at the Belden-Stratford.

6
Whew. Just whew. I feel better at the Belden-Stratford.
I lie on the bed and stare at the ceiling at the Webster.
I watch puppy videos, kitten videos at the Rienzi Hotel.
One morning, or one evening, I’ll die at the Diversey Arms,
Or some blazing afternoon at the Park Lane
But I was born in the belly of the Belmont Hotel!

Must I remember the Belmont Hotel? Will the Belden-Stratford,
The Park Lane, the Rienzi Hotel forever haunt my thoughts? 
Or the Webster, faut-il qu'il m'en souvienne? The Diversey Arms?

The Rienzi Hotel [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Rienzi Hotel

Day is serious but night is play

Of dark around the headlights;

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

 

Queen Moon in her royal array

Don’t appear every single night;

Day is serious but night is play

 

Night, we do it our own way

Do whatever with all our might;

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

 

Day, here’s what I forgot to say

In embrace with you real tight;

Day is serious but night is play.

 

Night seems rather far away

During the day, right, right?

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

 

Oh, how like at night we sway

Because everything is okay;

Day is serious but night is play,

Police at the Rienzi Hotel anyway.

Three Sonnets [by Mitch Sisskind]

Tears of the Intellectuals

Tears of the intellectuals, bitter dew,

Moistening pages of ponderous books

Schmerz of the intellectuals, sad but true,

Bellyaching of the egghead schnooks,

Kvetching, self-loathing anchored deep

In the hearts of intellectuals albeit they know

The galaxies' secrets, and what life forms creep

In brackish saltwater, and how protozoa grow.

Oy, as knowledge expands, oft doth the pain

Of being an intellectual expand apace, because

There's never quite enough money to sustain

A half-decent lifestyle, and there never was.

Yet intellectuals will do what intellectuals do,

Are you an intellectual? Fuck me, I'm one too.

To a Statue

 

Queen Sennuyw of the Middle Kingdom's lore,

Your statue, 4000 years buried in the sand,

Now in the Boston Museum of Fine Arts forevermore;

What an astonishment it is. No restoration is planned.

In life you surely were graceful and serene,

Tall and proud, strolling around in the dunes,

Embodiment of all your rule had come to mean,

Worshipping Khonsu, goddess of the moon.

Now, even in stone, your eyes seem able to see

Far beyond the BMFA, off to where the Nile flows,

Where life and death were an engaging harmony,

Benign circularity, as the Nile's yearly flooding showed.

Sennuyw, enduring queen of the antique land,

Antipode of Ozymandias, carved by an unknown hand.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Santa Claus in Springtime

I know Santa Claus is in the chimney tonight
But I don't waken startled, or even surprised;
I've learned to accommodate an amorphous fright
That gets more and more morphous, then dies.

I'll have to croak too, of course, or as the Brits say,
Pop off, which is the message when a tooth falls out;
So as your various faculties are slipping away,
Remember the song, better not cry, better not pout,

Because Santa Claus has always been in town.
You didn't want to come here, my good man,
And now, though you want to stay around,
What you want is different from what you can.

Santa Claus knew you on the day you were born.
Best not to stress about it. But you've been warned.

 

Rebozo [by Mitch Sisskind]

Herman Fishman asked, "How can

"I know if my wife is possessed

"By Lilith in our conjugal bed?"

 

Julius Jaffe said, "If a wife refuses

"To lie beneath her husband, feh!

"She has been possessed by Lilith."

 

He continued, "A man and his wife

"Need a secret word like rebozo

"Whereby to recognize each other."

 

Herman Fishman asked, "Rebozo?"

Julius Jaffe said, "Rebozo means

"A type of long scarf from Mexico."

A Kick in the Ass [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

When somebody went to prison

He'd say they went to college or

If somebody was sick he'd say

They had the sniffles regardless

0f the cancer raging or whatever

They had the sniffles, he said.

If somebody fucked up he'd say

The guy needed a kick in the ass

And because people were always

Fucking up he found himself

Saying the guy needed a kick

In the ass a tremendous amount.

A guy who lost his job needed

A kick in the ass as also did

A guy who booted a ground ball

And a guy whose wife cheated

On him needed a kick in the ass

As she too badly needed one.

He said, "You and you and you

"Need a kick in the ass because

"Let him who is without sin throw

"The first stone. Do I myself need

"A kick in the ass? Why, certainly!

"I've fucked up plenty of times!"

 

from "Julius Jaffe: The Poems" [by Mitch Sisskind]

Mystery
Julius Jaffe said, "Some may ask how God revealed

"The whole future of the world to Adam even before

"The world was created. Some may ask how Adam

"Witnessed this revelation even before the creation

"Of Adam himself." He went on, "Oy! Even to inquire
"Regarding the highest emanations of the sefirot
"Causes a judgment to be rendered upon us!"

Money

Shinderman said, "Oy, I had

"A big year but I had to give

"Most of it back in taxes."

Julius Jaffe said, "In this world

"Good fortune always comes

"With a price, baruch hashem!"

"Money is the easiest payment

"But if a fool wishes to pay differently,

"His wish will be granted. Oy vey!"

Marriage

Herman Fishman asked, "Esther Tabachnik,

Whom you will marry, is she your soulmate?"
Julius Jaffe said, "No, I have not that merit.
"Our sages teach that finding one's soulmate
"Is a miracle greater than parting the Red Sea."

 

"But an unmarried man can't make progress
"Toward his tikkun, the rectification of his soul."
He went on, "In fact, the more incompatible
"A man and his wife are, the greater is the
"Opportunity for spiritual work. Oy vey!"

from "Julius Jaffe: The Poems" [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Shlump
Jess Rabin and Julius Jaffe were walking with a shlump.
Jess Rabin said to Julius Jaffe, "Open your mouth and
"Deliver words of Torah." Julius Jaffe replied, "'Her ways
""Are ways of delight.'" (Proverbs 3:17) The shlump said,
"A coin in a flask is found in this verse. Wherever in Torah
"One reads 'ways,' the ways were opened by our sages
"Who went to the bottom of the sea. Now the ways are
"Open on every side and in every direction in the world."
They said, "How do you know?" The shlump said, "I heard
"It from my father." Julius Jaffe asked, "Who was your father?"
The shlump said, "a great fish" and the shlump disappeared.

Shinderman

Shinderman approached Julius Jaffe.

He said, "I have a chance to make a

"Lot of money on a risky investment.

"What should I do?" Julius Jaffe said,

"Make the investment. You can make

"A lot of money."

Shinderman returned and said, "I lost

"My money but I still have some money

"For another risky investment. I can make

"A lot of money. So what should I do?"

Julius Jaffe said, "Make the investment.

"You can make a lot of money."

Shinderman reappeared and said,

"I lost my money again. I now have

"Only two dollars left to my name.

"Should I bet my two dollars on a

"Longshot at the horse races?"

Julius Jaffe said, "Yes."

That same night Shinderman said,

"I lost my two dollars! I have no money!"

Julius Jaffe said, "No money? Not even

"A dime?" Shinderman said, "Not a penny!"

Julius Jaffe said, "Mazel tov! Because now

"You can really pray."

Shtunk & Shlump

To embarrass the shlump, the shtunk

Asked how many women the shlump

Had shtupped. "Just one woman,"

The shlump replied and the shtunk

Laughed at him. "I have shtupped

"A hundred of them!" said the shtunk,

Whereupon Julius Jaffe interceded,

"If a man has shtupped one woman

"And really loved her, that man is

"A greater lover than if he shtupped

"A thousand of them." But the shtunk

Laughed again. "Only a thousand?"

"Ten thousand! A hundred thousand!"

Julius Jaffe excitedly exclaimed.

from "Julius Jaffe: The Poems" [by Mitch Sisskind]

Julius Jaffe and the Angel of Death

 

Julius Jaffe was carrying a large box of bricks.

The day was hot. Too exhausted to go on,

Julius Jaffe dropped the box and called on

The Angel of Death to rescue him from

This life. Instantly the Angel appeared

And said, "Can I be of service to you, sir?"

Now trembling in fear, Julius Jaffe said,

"No, but how do you like them Cubbies?"

This shows the foolishness of Julius Jaffe!

Parable & Paradox

When Mort Plotkin died Julius Jaffe said,

"Mort Plotkin was a great businessman

"Except he never made any money."

Julius Jaffe added, "He was in the

"Schmateh business except he was

"Never in the schmateh business."

Herman Fishman asked, "Can this be?"

Julius Jaffe answered, "Yes and no."

He added, "Maybe and maybe not."

Feh!

Julius Jaffe said, "I will marry Esther Tabachnik."

He went on, in the name of Rabbi Rabinowitz,

"A man alone in a room -- feh, feh, feh! --

"Lilith will tempt him in the midnight hour,

"But Esther Tabachnik's price is above rubies,

"Her husband's heart safely resides with her,

"Nor doth she tempt him in all her days."

Jess Rabin said, "Feh! I mean, congratulations."

Two Poems (by Mitch Sisskind)

Sam Feldman

When Napoleon wanted a woman he said

Bring me a woman and they brought him one,

Poof poof no nonsense and the whole thing

Was over in half an hour. Yet Napoleon's

Relationship with Josephine was extremely

Complicated not to say convoluted which

To a somewhat lesser extent was also true

Of his marriage to Marie-Louise of Austria.

It shows the difficulty of comprehending

The five foot five inch Napoleon who was

Responsible for the deaths of approximately

Four million people between 1796 and 1815.

Now what about Sam Feldman who owns

Same Day Cleaners? Or what about me?

Napoleon's First Letter to Josephine:

A Modern Translation

December 1795

Hey babe 9 a.m. and I haven't

Slept all night not one wink!

I know you sleep till noon

So I'll see you in three hours

Clock is ticking hahaha!

How you looked last night

Babe I keep thinking of it

Which gets me turned on

All over again weird weird

I can't rest 'cause quaffing

The flames from your lips

Has made me really horny!

Thanks a lot mio dolce amor!

I imagine terrifying things!

 

An elephant speaks to tourists in a safari vehicle (by Mitch Sisskind)

Would you please not take pictures
of me? Thank you. I'm asking nicely.
Some elephants enjoy the spotlight
But to my ears, oh God, those clicking
Cellphone cameras! (some trumpeting)
Also, please do not whisper or laugh
About white elephants, pink elephants,
Elephants in the room, elephant seals,
Elephant beetles, elephant ears (plant),
Elephant Walk (Elizabeth Taylor film),
Elephantiasis (disease), and restrict 
Using the adjective elephantine unless
In reference to an actual elephant. 
Thank you again. I'm asking nicely!