The Best American Poetry

Splash, splash (by Mitch Sisskind)

When I told Joe about how Sam Giancana

Punched Sammy Davis Jr. in the stomach

At Frank Sinatra's house Joe looked at me

And said, "I am like a frog that's been sitting

"Quietly on a lily pad until splash, splash,

"It jumps back into the water not because

"It wants to but because it must or else

"Everything will go right straight to hell.

"Sam Giancana hasn't been the same

"Since 1954 when Angeline passed on.

"She was an angel. Hey, I'd like to punch

"All of them in the stomach, Giancana,

"Sinatra, Joey Bishop, Peter Lawford,

"Not Dean Martin though. He's fabulous."

Ant and Clown (by Mitch Sisskind)

The Ant

You could not call him the Ant to his face
And you would be dead if you made the
Mistake of calling him the Ant to his face.
Or what if you called him the Ant except
Not to his face, like you called him the Ant
To somebody and he only heard about it?
He wouldn't care. It meant nothing to him.

The Clown

It was the same way with Joey the Clown.
They called him the Clown because he 
Liked to clown around but you yourself
Could definitely not ever clown around. 
Or just like how he felt about the suburbs.
A lot of them moved to the suburbs but
His basic attitude was fuck the suburbs. 

Louis Sisskind, around 1958 (by Mitch Sisskind)

Are a few observations.

Although he was right handed, he wore his watch on his right hand, which is slightly unusual. Also, he did not take his watch off when he went to bed at night.

Although he was almost completely bald, he got a shave and some sort of scalp treatment every Friday at the barber shop in the railroad station. He did have some hair around the edge of his head, which also got cut.

His tie, with a Windsor knot. I went to a grade school where we wore ties every day so he showed me how to do that knot. Once it was tied, you still had to pinch it. One of the few things I can remember him criticizing me for was if the knot didn't look right.

Although he did not finish high school and I never saw him read a book, he had an excellent vocabulary. Once when I was about ten years old I said I would say a word and he should try to define it. He agreed. The word was impetus.

Before he went to work one day he gave me some money and asked me to buy a small pack of Perfecto Garcia cigars. I was also about ten years old at that time. That night he asked about the cigars. I said I had forgotten. He quietly but very seriously said that if I asked him to do something, getting it done became the most important thing in his life. That made a huge impression on me. Somehow it was really scary. The next day I got the cigars.

He was at the Jewish Orphans Home in Cleveland until he was 14 years old. When I asked if he ever tried to run away, he seemed surprised. "Never! We played indoor baseball every day."

This picture was take at his office with a tiny "spy camera" called a Minox or something like that, which was briefly a fad in the 1950s.

O'Hara or Ashbery? Place your bets [by Mitch Sisskind]

A Daughter, Her Father and the Long-Gone Poet Who Brought Them Together

In her memoir “Also a Poet: Frank O’Hara, My Father, and Me,” Ada Calhoun set out to write a poet’s biography and found a connection to her father instead.

https://www.nytimes.com/2022/06/09/books/ada-calhoun-book-frank-ohara.html?searchResultPosition=1

I'm really looking forward to this book! The NYT article references Schjeldahl's remarking that Ashbery was a "better poet" than O'Hara. Without debating the whole questionable enterprise of rating poets in the first place, I do believe that Ashbery was "better" in at least two respects. First, if we compare the "best" poetry of both men, Ashbery at his "best" was "better." Also, Rivers and Mountains is one of the "best" books of poetry in the 20th century, in a league with Four Quartets. O'Hara himself wrote in a review (in Poetry magazine)  that Ashbery's Some Trees was "the most beautiful first book of poems since Wallace Stevens' Harmonium." Actually, Rivers and Mountains (Ashbery's thrid book) makes Wallace Stevens's Harmonium look like a Sunday school picnic.

On the other hand, I also believe that Ashbery did not again produce a book at the level of Rivers and Mountains, nor a poem at the level of "The Skaters." But who could? And he certainly kept at it. Who knows what O'Hara might have done if he'd been able to keep at it? (Her died at the age of 40). When Bertrand Russell was told he was too young to write an autobiography, he agreed that he might someday have become president of Mexico.

 

And one more thing, as Columbo used to say.  O'Hara's Lunch Poems, is a masterpiece in its own right, "better" than anything Ashbery did in its own way, and not the less for that. Everything about it is great, the text, the size of the book, the colors, the publication date. Sam Johnson, always interested in physicians, taught that a correct prescription encompassed many factors: the drug, the patient, the season of the year, the time of day, who knows what else. I had the great fortune to buy my copy of Lunch Poems at City Lights bookstore one day in 1965. The exact right thing, at the exact right place, at the exact right time. Thanks, boss. Much ass grassy ass.

Owning a Karelian Bear Dog [by Mitch Sisskind]

You've bought a Karelian Bear Dog,

Now what? Does it have a name?

Does it have a place to sleep? Food?

Water? If you have a summer home

Far from the city's hurly-burly then

I am quite sanguine about prospects

For excursions thither but mind you

There will be fleas! So do you still
Want the Karelian Bear Dog now?

Kierkegaard said of marriage that

You'll regret it if you do but also

If you don't and the same goes

For owning a Karelian Bear Dog,

It's basically a roll of the dice.

West Covina or Rancho Cucamonga [by Mitch Sisskind]

West Covina or Rancho Cucamonga

 

Got a phone number where you talk

To dead people of course they're not

Really dead it's just some guy out in

West Covina or Rancho Cucamonga

But what the hell, right? What the hell!

 

You call the number and you say which

Dead person you want to talk to so I said

Who's the most popular dead person and

The guy said Hitler so I said sounds good

Tell Hitler to call me so I can talk to Hitler.

 

Pretty soon the phone rang and a guy said

This is Hitler so I said hey what's up Hitler

How are things in West Covina or over in

Rancho Cucamonga because it's a scam

Man this is a scam and we both know it!

-- Mitch Sisskind

Big Tech [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Internet
In those days I was doing trade shows
Mostly in Vegas, Dallas, or Phoenix
And since it was before the internet
I used to leave voice mail messages
For my wife where I would call myself
On The Road Mouse and if she left one
For me she was Stay At Home Mouse
Or vice versa where she would be
On The Road Mouse and I would be
Stay At Home Mouse depending
On who was on the road or at home
Which in those days was Boulder
And then we moved to Indianapolis
Where we got the Internet in 1993.

Text
When cell phones came in we lived
In Phoenix texting back and forth
Many dozens of times every day.
Phoenix Table Mat was a bad place
To work and when I proffered
In my texts that I wanted to look
Elsewhere but was leery to quit she
Wrote back in answer a text signed
Optimistic Mouse which was sweet
So I wrote one signed Love You Mouse.
The problem was how in those days
Texting was not automatically free
So I got a $2000 one-month bill but
Kept my mouth shut and paid it.

Zoom
Phrases like old home week or
A trip down memory lane refer to
When you wallow in the past by
Talking about the Model T Ford
When we now have the Tesla or
About texting when we now have
Snapchat, Instagram, and Zoom.
I will download my personality
Onto a computer so she can
Zoom with me after I’m dead
Or if she’s dead first she will
Have downloaded herself also
But what if we’re both dead?
Well, it will be up to the kids. 

The Fly in the Ointment [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

People think the Golden Calf looked 
Like a calf but that is very wrong.
(Literal readings of the Bible are a sin.)
It looked like whatever you wanted
And it looked different to everyone
And since you could change it just
By thinking about it the Golden Calf
Was more like the guy's holographic
Girlfriend in 'Bladerunner 2049'
Than the Golden Calf as shown in
The 1956 'Ten Commandments' movie.
Don't forget: God can give you anything
You want but the fly in the ointment is
So can the devil! So can the devil!

"Poems of Robert Frost" [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

I went to the doctor for my

Annual checkup and he said,

'You've got cancer of the nose.'

Of course I was very surprised

But he added, 'You don't have to

'Do anything right today except

'With enough time you won't

'Have a nose.' I then inquired,

'What is the alternative, doc?'

And he replied Mohs surgery

About which I was clueless

But did not like the sound of it

One bit so I took the road

Less traveled you might say.

 

                *

Okay, stopping by woods on

A snowy evening. I don't know

About woods but growing up

In Chicago I was familiar with

Snowy evenings. One night

It snowed so hard that they

Called off school and we kids

Went sledding at Devil's Hill

All the next day and then

As the dusk began to fall

About four o'clock the snow

Resumed so even if it was

Not strictly speaking woods

It was a snowy evening.

 

                *

What about the poem 'Sand Dunes'

By Robert Frost? He describes how

A town doesn't get inundated by

Ocean waves but it does succumb

To sand dunes which he says are

Brown and dry. I believe this refers

To how you can get muddle-headed

In your old age even if you survive

The earlier years of your life because

It's like your brain gets clogged up

With sand. Also you will be buried

In the earth (sand) unless you want

To be cremated which reminds me

Of 'Fire and Ice' by Robert Frost.

Every Day Something Different Disappears [by Mitch Sisskind]

Notice fence made of plumbing pipes around the grass. 
This has also disappeared.

furniture mart disappears harris school

disappears pittsfield building disappears

prudential building disappears buckingham

fountain disappears temple sholom disappears

152 bus disappears 151 bus disappears

36 bus disappears wilson avenue el station

disappears howard street el station disappears

immaculata high school disappears wendella

boat ride disappears elks memorial disappears

ashkenaz deli disappears pinners disappears

22 bus disappears barbara's book store

disappears senn high school disappears

lakeview high school disappears lane

tech high school disappears melrose

restaurant disappears north shore day camp

disappears baha'i temple disappears

mrs wall disappears miss bailey disappears

mrs samelius disappears mr peart disappears

irv kupcinet disappears lyle’s drug store

disappears richter's butcher shop disappears

lake shore theater disappears parkway

theater disappears commonwealth hotel

disappears belmont hotel disappears

rosehill cemetery disappears 400 theater

disappears palmolive building disappears

abc toyland disappears bowlium disappears

playdium disappears webster hotel

disappears diversey arms hotel disappears

turtle wax building disappears corned

beef center disappears meigs field disappears

goose island disappears thillens stadium

disappears covent theater disappears

uptown theater disappears ivan bunny

disappears 442 wellington avenue disappears

432 belmont avenue disappears eli’s place

for steak disappears chez paree disappears

london house disappears 2350 club

disappears germania club disappears

town hall police station disappears .

st rita high school disappears north austin

boys club disappears walnut room

disappears gyp joint disappears olson

rug company disappears standard club

disappears covenant club disappears

imperial house disappears mr kelly’s

disappears king fat disappears bob spoo

disappears howard king disappears marty

faye disappears queen of angels disappears

devil’s hill disappears fritzl’s disappears

berghof disappears billy goat disappears

sherman lollar disappears michael reese

hospital disappears frankenstein

memorial center disappears richard’s

drive in carfeteria disappears lincoln

park disappears chess pavillion

disappears como inn disappears

museum of science and industry

disappears halsted street disappears

vaughn’s seed store disappears

planetarium disappears shangri-la

disappears ann sather’s disappears

chicago stadium disappears merchandise

mart disappears maxwell street disappears

florence ladies’ sportsware disappears

midway plaisance disappears rainbow arena

disappears westlawn cemetery disappears

dr paul hurwitz disappears republic steel

disappears gripe and groan tavern disappears

don the beachcomber disappears midway

airport disappears roosevelt university

disappears peterson avenue disappears

gate of horn disappears lawson YMCA

disappears playboy club disappears moose

cholak disappears kukla fran & ollie

disappear polk brothers disappears binyon’s

disappears american blower corporation

disappears smolarek disappears slobodnik

disappears rabbi samuel schwartz

disappears cafe bonaparte disappears

camellia house disappears green oaks

kiddyland disappears affy tapple

disappears mandel brothers department

store disappears wieboldt’s disappears

mrs hering’s chicken pot pie disappears

jack schatz and donjo meddlevine

disappear bounce land trampoline

park disappears fortnightly club

disappears potter palmer mansion

disappears children’s building disappears

ferris wheel park disappears general motors

powerama disappears yukon eric disappears

fraser thomas disappears doctor zipper

disappears washtenaw avenue disappears

zum deutchen eck disappears board of

trade disappears cloud room disappears

timber lanes bowling disappear satellite

papa disappears big bill hill disappears

jack eigen disappears red top cab disappears

chicken vesuvio disappears corsetorium

disappears 7313 men’s club disappears

fritz screw machine company disappears

gilby the watchmaker disappears corset

and underwear review disappears hill and

hill beauty and barber shop disappears

francheezie disappears augenblick

disappears johnnie’s lounge disappears

harriet’s dress shop disappears libby’s

majestic grill disappears gym shoe

sandwich disappears schulien’s disappears

jack decker beer distributor disappears

dr john bodzinski disappears bunge

brothers coal company disappears

italian beef disappears uptown stamp

and book mart disappears tinker toys

disappears up to date hat shop disappears

windy city inn disappears skorski homemade

sausage shop disappears waifs take-a-bath

disappears marshall field’s disappears nate

gross disappears dave condon disappears

wally behrns disappears niagara falls smelting

disappears purple palace disappears norman

tallow and soap company disappears tivoli

theater disappears mike’s market disappears

ray rayner disappears temple anshe emet

disappears lanyon undertakers disappears

the ivanhoe disappears johnson awnings

disappears miss cora hebron disappears

club lucky disappears hebrew matrimonial

agency disappears whistler’s restaurant

disappears lima locomotive works disappears

pure oil building disappears american people’s

encyclopedia disappears black angus 7127

western avenue disappears buffalo ice cream

disappears s kaplan junk disappears kling

vocal studio disappears mink air conditioning

disappears warren g wadsworth disappears

nathaniel stowers french disappears leschen

and sons rope company disappears american

hospital disappears kerrigan billiards disappears

hipple and company disappears seymour hull

and associates disappears wing hoe restaurant

disappears milton katz children’s wear

disappears cermak shopping center disappears

mirabell restaurant and lounge disappears

lang and richman furs disappears golden

youth cosmetics disappears bushman the

gorilla disappears villa sweden disappears

citywide auto sales disappears chicago

sunday evening club disappears droke

incorporated general merchandise disappears

miller’s pub disappears grizzly’s lounge

disappears flexible excavating company

disappears hamilton’s pub disappears

deutsch needlework supplies disappears

blackhawk restaurant disappears irma

burns cleaners disappears southwest inn

4501 south cicero avenue disappears

albert bivens trousers disappears cy’s

crab house disappears holy name

cathedral disappears davis school

of public speaking and script writing

disappears herta’s tots and teens

disappears bullpen sports bar disappears

elevator supply company disappears

hyde park jazz society disappears club

505 disappears guinn’s cigar store

disappears stouffer’s top of the rock

disappears grand crossing hotel

disappears ella’s sweet shop disappears

bohica bar and grill disappears globe

air compressors disappears joe fusco

the barber disappears rudy and ann’s

polka club disappears kid craft matresses

disappears joe’s men’s wear disappears

livestock national bank disappears

evelyn kelly rooms disappears milton’s

snack bar disappears klingberg children’s

home disappears smitty’s radiators

disappears abe lily fast freight disappears

nelson’s bakery disappears palenik

cleaners disappears reichert oil burners

disappears amelia levine furnished rooms

disappears ernest korinka tuckpointing

henry holtz chiropodist disappears arthur

francis multigraphing disappears mugs

bunny disappears home hand laundry

disappears austin high school disappears

warren featherstone company disappears

miss sitterly disappears gardner portrait

studio disappears koluska meats disappears

ballast point pub disappears fantasy of

jewels disappears santorini restaurant

disappears garbanz tavern disappears

taco and burrito palace disappears

garber wholesale furrier disappears

fiori’s deli disappears hesselberg

locksmith disappears gino’s east

disappears hymowitz market disappears

dark horse tap disappears j and j pain

and odor free foot products disappears

bert and elmer christensen vending

And pinball machines disappears

dante’s tavern disappears novakowski

confetti disappears morton’s the

steakhouse disappears lakeview

poultry disappears holy trinity

high school disappears danny’s

tavern disappears brott gummed

paper disappears coffee cheese

and egg salesmen’s union disappears

band of bohemia disappears greisch

beauty parlor disappears coffman

manufacturing company disappears

northside bar and grill disappears

maude’s liquor bar disappears eva’s

rlectrolysis shop disappears lawry’s

prime rib disappears forward oar

company disappears schoolyard

tavern disappears harold’s chicken

disappears fox furnished apartments

disappears tye gutta percha paint store

disappears guthrie’s tavern disappears

walk right shoe company disappears

chubby wieners disappears vitality

poultry store disappears bite cafe

disappears ideal toy company

disappears big and little’s disappears

craftmaster’s studios disappears

clipper lounge disappears mindy’s

hot chocolate disappears jeri’s grill

disappears addressograph company

disappears crown liquors disappears

fantozzi insurance company disappears

helen gould rest home disappears

chicago ladies hats barngrove food

machinery disappears globe trailer

parts disappears klink furs disappears

granada theater disappears free sons

of israel disappears effmeyer house

movers disappears cake ornaments

incorporated disappears dr raymond

friss disappears harry larson machinery

disappears come back inn disappears

neuberg sprinklers disappears eastern

airlines disappears harrison wholesale

disappears polk brothers disappears

eagle soda fountain exchange disappears

courtesy motors disappears hess gold

stamping disappears temple beth el

disappears bernhard moos elementary

school disappears cake ornaments

incorporated disappears maurice

tannenbaum pianos disappears lauren

warzek dds disappears york model

toys disappears zaslavsky accordion

school disappears six o’clock club

disappears sisters of mercy infirmary

disappears gladieu floor refinishing

disappears waiters and cooks union

disappears hastings tea room disappears

bel-pine apartments disappears casey

furniture company disappears dwyer’s

food shop disappears perfecto garcia

cigars disappears behr and weinstein

iron and metal junk disappears bellfuss

pharmacy disappears catholic art studio

disappears dwortz and son roofing

disappears dust maid products disappears

giordano and arnold exterminators

disappears kahr wholesale bananas

disappears lang’s deluxe bar-b-q disappears

barney malworm accountant disappears

murray’s superior products disappears

purple heart military order of illinois

disappears pyroferric used radio parts

disappears helen stribblen dramatic

arts disappears peterbaugh rooms

disappears oblack transfer company

disappears pond river meat disappears

root brothers clowns and entertainment

disappears pollack original slack house

disappears mukser food mart disappears

hi-lo tavern disappears locallo printing

disappears fenton’s drugstore disappears

kretchmer garage disappears lask boiler

company disappears beer frame bowling

disappears kee washing machine sales and

service disappears fred johnson window

cleaning disappears barry sandwich shop

disappears fifth avenue beauty salon

disappears egyptian lacquer manufacturing

disappears eggers safe experts disappears

davidson’s bakery disappears gus goldman

woolens disappears fritz food and drink

disappears eight ball club tavern disappears

jerome lewis lamp shades disappears hench

income tax specialists disappears gugelman

artificial eyes disappears benno epstein cpa

disappears forslev delicatessen disappears

every day something different disappears

Two Poems [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Checkout Line 

Death is not like the checkout line because

People at death do not want to look at the

National Enquirer which many people do

Want to look at it in the checkout line at

The supermarket, Best Buy, or wherever.

 

Death is also not like the checkout line

Because most people don't think about

Money at their death although there are

Doctor bills but they're not the dead guy's

Responsibility any longer, obviously.

 

To sum it up the checkout line and death

Are different but one thing is not different

Which is how once it's over you are free

To drive out of the parking lot or go to

Heaven if you are dead, or wherever.

 

The Boy Who Cried Wolf

 

 

 

Lump on a log is not an expression

You often hear but as you get older

You're treated like a lump on a log.

 

If I go to the Starbucks coffee shop

I get treated like a lump on a log

Every time I go in there so as a result

 

I stopped going in there because

I get treated like a lump on a log

Every time I go in there and also

 

If you keep getting treated like a lump

On a log but you keep going in there

You're like the boy who cried wolf.

 

The Bonus Round (by Mitch Sisskind)

 

I'm in the Bonus Round!

All the sights! All the sounds!

Nothing is out of the question

Now that I'm in the Bonus Round!

 

 

 

The Ignoramus (by Mitch Sisskind)

Rav Heth Kokodiakomis came

To Widawa where martyrs fell

And so artfully celebrated pesach

That he grew prideful of it and

Reclined long after the seder ended.

 

Then a question came to him from

The Upper World: "Why are you prideful

When in this town there is an Ignoramus

Who on this same night has celebrated

The seder in a more accomplished way?"

 

Meanwhile holy men had come to hear

Rav Heth Kokodiakomis and he asked them,

"Do you know an Ignoramus?" One said,

"I know him," and Rav Heth Kokodiakomis

Told him to ask the Ignoramus to come there.

 

When he came Rav Heth Kokodiakomis inquired,

"Did you celebrate the seder?" The Ignoramus

Wept and said, 'I was drunk and when my wife

Woke me I saw the egg and the wine and I ate

The egg and drank the wine and went back to sleep."

 

Then a great voice from the Upper World said,

"This man is an Ignoramus and his father was

An Ignoramus. His words and also his deeds are

Received in the Upper World for he knows their

Truth and, yea, an Ignoramus knows nothing else."

Before Kennedy (by Mitch Sisskind)

Each Saturday Lou's four hour pinochle
Game now in its thirtieth-first year,
Pinochle again on Monday nights
And on Fridays the family card games,
Men and women at separate tables.

To the downtown public library
I bore my briefcase after school
In Eisenhower’s last years to read
Old newspapers: WAR the full page
Headline of 1917 and again in 1941.

Here and there bent over tables
In the gloomy main reading room
Men wiping their eyes, coughing,
Blowing their noses until limping
Urgently to the awful bathroom.

These men, were they younger
Than Lou I found myself asking.
I saw his steps shortening until
He died like the silver dot on the
Turned-off television screen.

Road to Damascus [by Mitch Sisskind]

He called them baby, honey, sweetie,
Darling and things of that nature;
He mastered the lost art of flattery;
He said you're looking good tonight;
He said let's get the show on the road;
Weekends he whisked them off on
Getaways to Tahoe or Joshua Tree;
Like a rooster strutting in the barnyard
He chose among his ardent hens until
In a flash as if on the road to Damascus
He saw that if he loved only one woman
And was loved by her in return he would
More deeply fathom women's mysteries
Than if he snabbled a thousand of them.

 

Two Poems [by Mitch Sisskind]

Jack Benny

John Ashbery called me after he died

So you can imagine my excitement

When in that droll hyper-nasalated

Timbre quite unchallenged by death

He chatted on about the bowls of

Pitted cherries provided as snack-food

In the upper worlds and of afternoons

Climbing trees with Edna Millay to read

Comic books with her in the branches.

Then his voice dropped two octaves

And he spoke solemnly of Jack Benny:

'You can say funny things or say things

'Funny but silence was the punchline

'For Jack Benny.' And he was gone.

The Buddha

When the Buddha saw a hungry leopard

He fed himself to the leopard lest in his

Next incarnation he were to return as

Another hungry leopard rather than

A beautiful hummingbird that flies

Sixty miles an hour. I must ask what

Are the hungry leopards in my life

To which I must feed myself whether

It's by listening to an hour of bullshit

On a cellphone or accepting that I'm

Falling apart as when the Buddha

Accepted getting cut up into pieces

Because he knew that he was more

Than just his physical arms and legs.

 

Two Poems [by Mitch Sisskind]

The Crow

The crow died and we buried

It with extra earth as in the Iliad

Where stones were fitted tightly

Together against the day when

Spring rains would surely come.

As often happens, there had been

A sudden burst of frantic activity,

A final fluttering one might say

And then transformation into the

Work of art entitled dead crow

Forever unforgotten with clarity

Of future recollection in Nabokov's

Elegant phrasing but not knowing

Or even not knowing how to know

Whether it was male or female.

'I won't throw dirt in that dog's face.'

It's funny, not haha funny but funny

Like when something stays in your

Mind over many years or even for

Your whole life while other things

That would seem to be of greater

Importance deliquesce like when

Frosty the Snowman melted away.

'I won't throw dirt in that dog's face'

Is what I heard a man say in 1975 so

Without going into any detail I'll just

Mention how there are days when

'I won't throw dirt in that dog's face'

Is my first thought in the morning and

Might be my last one when I croak.

Three Poems (by Mitch Sisskind)

Hold Onto Your Hat

 

We learned how if the ship goes down you

Can make a life-preserver of your shirt

By taking it off and slamming it down onto

The water with the air inside so the shirt

Bubbles up and then you can hold onto it.

 

If you don't have a shirt you can do

The same thing with your pants by

Taking your pants off and then you

Trap the air in your pants as described

Above to form the pants life-preserver.

 

If you have neither shirt nor pants

You can make a life-preserver out of

Your hat by slamming your hat onto

The water as described above to

Make yourself a hat life-preserver.

 

They said if you fuckers are going

To grab for your crotch we want you

To do it here and not when the ship

Is burning and actually a few fellows

Did end up grabbing for their crotches.

 

Feh! Feh! Feh!

 

Just as there are names we mustn't speak,

Questions to remain unasked, proscribed

Mentations, even downright hilarious jokes

That ought never be told whether at the

Water cooler or in a duck-hunting blind,

Yes, that's all well and good but when

You slip up (as you will) bite your tongue,

Spit three times over your shoulder and

With whatever heartfelt sincerity you can

Possibly muster say, "Feh! Feh! Feh!"

Is it a perfect solution? No. But at least

You'll not be cast into outer darkness.

 

 

Mitzi

We never missed You Bet Your Life,

Groucho's quiz show, my father and I

Awaiting the secret word no matter

How week after week that word was

Unspoken until at last the $100 duck

To spontaneous applause descended.

But enough of that. The strange part

Was one night riding with Groucho

In an elevator, he in a French beret

And accompanied by a much younger

Woman, how as Mitzi the dachshund

Approached him he was so frightened

With none of the sarcastic aplomb

We associated with him, Lou and I.

 

 

 

Bob Guccione [by Mitch Sisskind]

 

Oh, don’t mind me. I come from a time

When new issues of Playboy magazine

Sold out in one day, when the windows

Of coffee shops on Broadway were piled

High with Playboys at eight o’clock in

The morning and by early afternoon

Not one Playboy was anywhere to be had.

I also lived to see the day when Playboy

Was the kiss of death for any enterprise

Foolish enough to display the rabbit while

A million sodden cab drivers had rabbits

Hanging from their vehicles’ mirrors

And then of course Guccione appeared

With his willingness to show pubic hair.

Two Poems [by Mitch Sisskind]

Hugh Hefner

For the exordium of a bon vivant lifestyle

In the dour and savage city of Chicago

He merits all the appreciation in the world.

Here's what I mean. In 1953 I attended

A terrifying professional wrestling match

At the old Marigold Arena between

The heel Dick The Bruiser Afflis and

Bobby Managoff whose actual name

Was Manoogian. I say terrifying

Because the onlooking mob of janitors

And their wives was screaming for blood

Yet that very night the first issue of

Playboy was approaching readiness

Which was nearly called Stag Party.

 

Three Sonnets on Lines of Ashbery

 

1.

We've heard lots of names here

Tonight but I'll tell you one name

We have not heard which is the

Name of Slobodnik who was

The janitor at the high school

Where I worked and one day

He said swimming is good for

You because swimming gets

The crud out of your pores so

I have remembered his words

Spoken around 1975 just like

Neither have I ever forgotten

The line here a scarf flies and

There an excited call is heard.

2.

We have heard a lot of names

But one name we have not heard

Is Smolarek the Wisconsin man 

I used to play basketball with

And he always won but then

I won so the next week he won

Again and he stated how he

Wanted to win today so he

Fucked not his wife last night

Nor that morning either in 1975

Which I remember as clearly as

Whose wind is desire starching

A petal whose disappointment

Broke into a rainbow of tears.

3.

The last name we have not heard

Is Greene how we were on the

Drill field and he started screaming

Supplementary get your goddamn

Ass out here now where the hell is

Supplementary get your slack ass

Out here Supplementary and we

Had no idea what he was talking

About for there was nobody named

Supplementary and then suddenly 

It dawned on all of us at once like

A miracle that he meant Sulloway

Which I have n'er forgot just like

Now I let you go signed The Dwarf.